Reflecting On 2023
When I think back on this past year, things didn’t unfold how I expected. And yet, they did. The past year is another year of unchecked boxes and things that I didn’t get to. But it was also a year of so much living. As usual, I either set too many goals or didn’t prioritize my time properly to achieve many of the things I wrote down in pen. I pushed some projects off to focus on other things. Inevitably I’ll have intentions of diving back into some of them with fresh focus. Now that I have a fresh planner and a new calendar hanging on my wall.
It’s an observation I make every year around this time, but when we set goals we rarely get the timelines right. We end up being overly optimistic about how long change takes, how many hours there are in a week, and how many things we will be able to focus on at one time. So, we set things down for a while or move more slowly than we ever imagined. Because we decided that something else needs our time right now.
When I think back on the things I didn’t get done this past year, I think about why. I try to sort out what received my time and attention instead. What, as life happened each day, did I feel needed to be prioritized over my goals with arbitrary timelines. What did I put my energy into for the past twelve months. And do I want to be more diligent in pursuing the goals I’ll set for this next spin around the sun.
What I Didn’t Accomplish
I didn’t run as many miles as I planned on this past year after getting off to strong start in January. But after a down step season during the slog that can be February and March, I was generally at least 80% where I wanted to be. Yes, it was a miss in total miles and harder efforts. But I don’t see 80% as a failure, and I understand why I wasn’t in personal best shape this fall. I got outside for at least a few miles on so many days I didn’t feel like running, and not once did I regret heading out the door.
When it came to writing, on my best weeks this year I managed to be inconsistent. Then, on my worst weeks I managed to ignore it all together. It’s not complicated why. It’s just that it was easier to find the motivation to write when I wasn’t spending my whole work day in front of my computer. When a couple hours in front of my keyboard was something different. But when I read the little that I did manage to write this past year, I am proud of it. I wrote mostly when I had something nagging in my head that I needed to sort. And less is still better than none.
So, this past year I didn’t do all the things I expected to do. I didn’t run high mileage and I didn’t publish something every Tuesday. But I read a fair amount of books, drank good coffee, and prioritized full nights of sleep. I didn’t go to bed as early as I wanted most of the time, nor did I get better at pushups. But I made time for family and friends often, plus I absolutely crushed it professionally this past year. And I also managed to do things that I never expected.
What I Didn’t Expect To Accomplish
If you had asked me a year ago if I’d do a long-distance bike ride, I would have told you no. I like riding my bike in the neighborhood occasionally and that’s about it. But when your friend of 25 years is in need of company for her bike trip, you say yes. I did less than the bare minimum for training and preparation. And yet, things worked out. I spent a few days in the company of one of my favorite people, and it was wonderful.
The two-ish months between saying yes to the bike trip and going on it sparked something in me. While I make time for a lot, I realized there were a few other people I’d been meaning to spend quality time with for years. But it’s easy to get busy and never put the dates on the calendar. So I booked a plane ticket to Denver and said yes to a quick weekend in Asheville. We planned the group camping trip, and I drove the extra hours for lunch or dinner with old friends while on work trips in Utah and Minnesota.
And then there were the hard things. Being there, especially when it’s inconvenient, for people who can no longer hold the weight of something on their own. The putting my own emotions to the side so that I can be the steady foothold someone else needs to safely feel theirs. Finding my way to confidence while swirling in uncertainty, and standing eye-level with people a foot taller than me. Believing that you can help hold people together when the are falling apart.
There were times this past year when I felt myself cracking. But even when I was exhausted, I always found a way to keep my head above water. I always found the energy to keep fighting. I spoke up in rooms where my authority was limited, and I dragged issues from the cobwebbed corners into the light. My voice never shook. I made sure that I was respectful, but I stopped worrying about being polite. By focusing on the goal, I figured out how to bring attention to the obstacles in the way, and the people creating extra roadblocks.
Looking back, even though this past year took unexpected twists and turns, I’m exactly where I want to be. I’m a person that will always be striving for a better version of myself. But it’s quite a wonderful thing to know that I’m proud of this version of me that I am today. I’m biased, but I think she’s pretty cool and someone I’m glad to have as a friend.
The thing about making plans or setting goals is that we cannot predict the future. It is not ours to know with certainty what’s going to happen next week, next month, or tomorrow. It doesn’t mean that we can’t set goals or make plans. But it does mean that we are better off if we are also willing to be flexible. We are better off if we realize when we need to adjust.
There’s a page for goals in my new planner, so of course I’ve already written some down. Of course I have big dreams and finite time in a day to work towards them. That’s how it is for all of us. But we figure it out as we go and we adjust along the way. We do the best we can with the moment we are in, and we make our plans for maybe doing things differently tomorrow.
