Cheers to New Challenges

This past month, I’ve been transitioning into a new challenge. Something that has an idea of a framework, like a sketch on a napkin. Something that needs to be built from scratch. For a few weeks my mind was constantly dreaming up possibilities of all the different ways we could put this thing together. And for at least a week now, I’ve been drafting the first round of blueprints.

A few days ago, I presented these blueprints to the project supervisors. From there, a few things are starting to happen. My work is getting critiqued, helpful suggestions will be made, and I’ll go back to the drawing boards to amended my blueprints. Then we’ll regroup, pencil-sketch in some minor tweaks, go pick up the materials, and start to build.

Honestly, I don’t know which part of this all is the scariest. Either way, soon we’ll all be in steel-toed boots and hardhats, building from blueprints I designed. It won’t be a design I developed off in a corner somewhere and on my own. I’ve been planning and designing with a team of people nearby, invested in seeing this project (and me) succeed. But I also feel completely responsible for our outcome. I feel ownership over our success, or our failure.

This challenge is equal parts exciting and scary. And for taking on something this big, I couldn’t have asked for a better overall scenario. I’m on a team of people looking to make good passes, and back me up on defense when I charge ahead. There’s no one I know of watching from the sidelines hoping to see me fail. Maybe that’s what feels so big about it.

Maybe what comes next would feel easier if I felt like people doubted me. I’m more used to that. Not because I haven’t been lucky enough to always have amazing people in my corner. But because I’ve always known there are other people to root for in whatever situation. Or I’ve at least been able to visualize where the odds are stacked against me. Not this time though. 

The odds are in my favor. There’s no one else left in the race. Everyone in the stadium wants to see a victory. They’ve trained alongside me or cheered for me in previous matchups. They’ve done so for years. Or they’ve showed up recently and want nothing more than to see a win, so they cheer for the only person they can. They’re my teammates, and they’re sticking around after their own races to watch what happens in mine.

It’s a weird feeling. It’s a good feeling. But weird. I don’t exactly know how to put words to it.

New challenges are more daunting than familiar challenges. But everything familiar had to be new once too. Everything we’ve ever gotten comfortable with was once uncomfortable or unfamiliar. So that’s where I’m at right now. Facing something unfamiliar, and maybe a little bit uncomfortable. It’s also been a while since I’ve been here, in this place with so much newness.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had to take several moments to sit with the bigness of what’s ahead. Because if I think of too many pieces at once, it can be overwhelming. And I’m sure I’ll need to take more of these moments in the weeks and months to come. These moments where I sit quietly, maybe with my knees tucked against my chest, finding the stillness in it all.

I find that place in all sorts of ways. Maybe it’s when I’m sitting curled up, or when I’m out on a run and the torrent of thoughts racing through my head begins to slow down. But in that place, I can hear it. This strong feeling, gently telling me to listen. Then, when I tune everything else to background noise, I know that I’ll face this new challenge like all the rest. And that’s when I know I’ve got this. No matter the outcome.

When facing a new challenge, I’ve always felt my best when I can forget about success and failure as much as possible. There are moments when they matter, but they are not things to dwell on. At one point, there will be an outcome to grapple with. But until then, there is only the challenge ahead. And the challenge is a worthy opponent, requiring my focused attention.