Everyone Else’s Favorite Season

Fall in the midwest is filled with breathtaking colors and many people casually exclaiming that it’s their favorite season. With that excitement in the atmosphere I’ve been wondering if it’s my favorite season too. After all, I do love the crunch of leaves under my feet, the crispness in the air, and cozying into my sweatshirts. 

But, after weeks of mulling it over, I’ve come to the likely unpopular opinion that fall is not my favorite season. What I’ve realized is that I don’t have a favorite time of year. And if I’m honest about it, fall is probably the season I like the least.

I’ve always lived in places that experience all four seasons distinctively, and each time of year has its own magic. Magic that you don’t have to search for at all. Magic that is right in front of your eyes if you just let yourself see it.

Thinking about the seasons, I know that I would miss any of them if I moved to a place that doesn’t cycle through them all every year. I know that I’d even miss the fall.

Instead of a favorite season, I have favorite things about each of the seasons. I love watching the trees come back to life in the spring and how one day in April suddenly everything is a lush green. Then there’s the longer days and warm sunshine of summer. Warmth that makes me close my eyes and smile as the sun warms my face.

In the winters, I do the same thing with the biting cold. Breathing in deeply, I’ll close my eyes and feel the icy sting on my cheeks. When I exhale I’ll open my eyes in just enough time to see the puff of fog from my breath. I love the quiet when it’s snowing. And the stillness and electric feelings of the darkened evenings.

Then of course, there is October. The humidity of summer is already in the distance, but enough warmth and blue skies remain. Nights become cool and crisp, giving you a reason to curl up in blankets and wear sweatshirts with winter beanies every day. It’s the only time of year when you could actually describe what orange, red, and yellow smell like.

I love cross country weather, Halloween, and carving pumpkins. And the rainy, foggy days that make the vibrant leaves pop even brighter. I love flannel shirts, candy corn, and craving harvest soups for dinner. And all the memories I have of being a kid jumping in leaf piles and trick-or-treating with my sister.

If all of the fall was only October, it wouldn’t be my least favorite season. But, fall isn’t just the month of October. It’s also November, a month tied to most of my darkest memories.

With time though, I’ve realized that the darkness isn’t all bad. There is a part of me that feels relieved when it eventually creeps in every fall. Relieved to know (again) that you never stop missing someone less even though it’s another year with them gone. I guess at this point, I think of the darkness as more of a friend than something to dread.

I find it fitting that just when I need to embrace my own darkness every year, the night suddenly starts falling an hour earlier. It’s like the universe is saying to me don’t worry, we’ll all be in the dark with you. I’ve always kind of liked when the outside matches how you feel on the inside. So at least for me, it works that November brings a sudden dose of extra darkness. 

Although it is my least favorite month, there are even a few things I have found to love about November. Like the first really cold day that lets you know the chill of winter is coming. Or the day when all the bright yellow ginkgo leaves in the neighborhood fall at once. And especially the day I decorate a birthday cake. A birthday cake made for the girl who’s never been able to eat any of the cakes I’ve ever baked for her.

My favorite part of my least favorite month is a simple birthday celebration. A small party where the guest of honor will never walk through the door, but finds a way to let me know she showed up all the same. For her, there will always be cake, Thai food, and PBR in bottles.

It’s a hard lesson, learning that life keeps going. It feels impossible that it will, and then it does. And the best we can do is find ways to keep a few birthday candles lit in the darkness.