The Man on the Airplane
A few weeks ago I was sitting on an airplane. I was headed to Boston, with a connection through New York City. Normally when I travel, I’m pretty silent from journey origin to final destination. Other than the short pleasantries of saying thank you to the flight crew and wherever I bought a cup of coffee or a snack, I don’t usually speak.
I don’t wear headphones or watch a movie, and I’m happy to give you the armrest if you sit next to me. It’s not that I’m unpleasant towards anyone I cross paths with when I’m traveling. It’s simply that I don’t want to talk to you. I’d like to read my book and have the chance to be alone with my thoughts while my phone is in airplane mode.
We don’t often turn off our phones and disconnect in this busy world. But on an airplane, it’s what you are supposed to do, and I love it. I’ve never connected to in-flight wi-fi and I hope that I never will. For the duration of my flight, it’s not just that there will be no pings coming from my phone. It’s that for those hours, the curiosity and pull to check my phone turns off too.
Most of the time, I’m good at setting my phone down and walking away. I’m relatively good at being in the moment. But not always. When my head is its most chaotic, I feel the pull towards distraction. When I’m struggling to focus, the instant gratification of checking things on my phone is a way to avoid the chaos in my brain instead of sorting it. The same way watching an episode of something is easier than starting the laundry.
So, I look forward to reading and letting my mind wander freely when I’m on an airplane. It’s the only time I know with certainty that my brain won’t seek out distractions when I’m sitting still. Otherwise, I need to be in motion to know I’ll get that same focus in my brain. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy running every day. It quiets the buzz created by busy and helps me focus. It turns chaos into nothing more than background music and allows me to organize my thoughts.
Switching my phone to airplane mode while actually sitting on an airplane does that too. So, I was looking forward to that time for myself on my flights to Boston. The few weeks leading up to my trip had been draining. And the actual date of my travel is one of, it not my least favorite day every year. The anniversaries of the days everything changes can do that, again and again.
Boarding the plane, I switched my phone to airplane mode and took my book out of my bag. My head instantly felt quieter, and knowing I was unreachable for the next two hours was a relief. So when the man sitting next to me asked me to help him with something on his new phone he had just gotten yesterday, I was happy to help out before opening my book.
I’ve been in the room for enough technology support calls for family members and friends that I can confidently walk someone through the basics. I assumed that was where our conversation would end. But it didn’t. For a few minutes, I tried to find a way to politely exit the small talk we were engaged in. And then I gave up, and decided to let him talk.
Earl was at least twice my age, and also headed to Boston for the weekend. His son, who lives in New York, would be on his connecting flight. It was his son who planned their whole weekend trip. And I was seated next to an excited father en route to spending time with his not-so-little-anymore boy. I saw my parents in Earl. I could picture either of them sitting on an airplane next to a stranger that seemed nice enough, brimming over with anticipation before their adventure with me. That’s why I kept my book closed and gave Earl my full attention.
He shared a lot more about his life on that two hour flight. About how after more than thirty years and raising three boys together, he never expected to not be married anymore. How life was so different than what he imagined. He never expected to find himself on this completely new journey during his final quarter. That’s what he called it: His final quarter. After living the majority of his life one way following one set of rules, Earl was deep in the process of learning how much more there was to the world then he’d previously let in.
He talked about his dark period that made him open to shaking things up. About how a yoga retreat taught him to face his discomfort. How his willingness to take a risk has him challenging and questioning everything he’d been told his whole life about the one right, moral way to live. To put it succinctly, Earl is living in awe of all the beautiful things he is seeing in the world for the first time.
His son was waiting for him at the gate when we deplaned. And because I cry at a ridiculous number of things that I find heart-warming, I had to wipe my eyes after seeing their greeting. If I hadn’t let Earl share his story with me, I would have missed out on why that small moment was so special. I also wouldn’t have been the weird person in the airport crying as I walked toward my next gate, but I’ll take the tears for this one.
We ended up being on the shuttle to the other terminal together. That was where I met Earl’s son. We were also near each other on the plane, but Earl had his son to talk to. And I got to read my book with a quiet head, the way I like to on flights. The last time I saw them was at baggage claim and I wished them a fun weekend together. That’s where I walked back into my own story, and let them continue on with theirs.
It’s been three weeks since that flight. Since then, I’ve gone through the airport journey three more times in relative silence and solitude. Acknowledging barely more than my book and my thoughts. I still prefer traveling that way. But, I’m also glad that I was willing to let Earl interrupt my travel routine that day. Maybe he has already forgotten about me. It’s going to take me while to forget about him though.
This time of year is not always wonderful, despite what the songs say. I love twinkling lights and baking cookies, snow and the general festiveness everywhere. But I don’t enjoy the stress. My own or the grumpiness of other people trying to find their holiday cheer. Put that on top of all of the ways we are at odds with other people these days, and we could be baking up a lot of holiday season disasters.
And then I think about Earl. A man who was set in his ways and beliefs, willing to open himself up to new ideas and possibilities in his final quarter. If Earl is willing to think that there is more than one right way to live, maybe we can be open to that possibility too. If he can see beauty he never noticed before, maybe we can too. Maybe we can just enjoy each other’s company instead of snapping over our eggnog.
